Current mood: astonished
Its just been one of those days. One of those days where every little thing seems to annoy. And annoy. And annoy.
I got a message from the Geek Squad today telling me to call to set up my in-home appointment for my computer fix. At least, I think that's what she said. Her Indian accent was so thick and she spoke so quickly I had to listen to the message FOUR times to get the phone number and case number and all. Really, she totally put me in mortal danger with her Benglish as I was trying to decode her twisted tongue and jot down the numbers while driving hastily around town ferrying kids to and fro. Yeah, sure, I could have pulled over, but what's the use of modern conveniences if they aren't both convenient AND add a little bit of James Bondish-devil-may-care joie de vivre? Yeah. I don't know either, girlfriends.
So anyway, I call them back to let them know that A) I already HAD an in-home visit by a geek who fixed my (myspace) broken shit last week and B) hiring a call center in India may not be the best route for customer communications-- especially considering how funnily sarcastic their computerized phone system is! Seriously, if you have to talk to a computer, talk to theirs, it is SUCH a wiseass! Well, my little public service to them was not as well-received as I had hoped. The first guy hung up on me. The second guy tried to remain noncommital at my suggestion to let the friggin' Indians fix the computers while the Americans make the telephone calls. Whatever. I thought every company liked a little customer feedback. I mean, a lot of companies solicit my feedback!
And then on to this in the afternoon...
After picking up my little Challenger after yet another three-card-pulled day (that's not good, to you and me), I tried to slip through my neighborhood Starbucks for a little pick-me-up. Oy fucking vay.
First off, the girl who took my order, Becky (of COURSE), was FAR too perky, even for Starbucks. She sounded like a cracked out chipmunk over the intercom, and I could tell she was inwardly laughing at my outward scowl that I directed pointedly at the drive-thru camera (did you know all Starbucks drive-thrus have cameras? Its true). So I whip around the drive-thru, still all pissed at my little rule-breaker, Ian. Voice all hoarse from lecturing, hands shaking in futile rage, and now face all flushed at Becky's evil goodness. And there it is. Proof that there is indeed an entire sub-species of human, and they are DUMB.
[Only you girls around here will recognize the name I'm about to throw at you, but I can guarantee you that wherever you live, you have the exact same person there, working for your local Fox affiliate. So just insert whatever your local girls' name is in the applicable area.]
I should preface this by saying that a couple days earlier this week I awoke to our local Fox 31 newscast covering their normal ration of normal shit. Weather. Traffic. Home and garden show at the Convention Center. An update on crippity-crap-crap. Just a little something to start your day.
It looked like the biggest concern was whether or not it would actually possibly snow anytime in the next couple of weeks, but even that was a half-hearted report. Let's face it, after 9/11 there's not too much that grabs one's attention in the morning, and I think the local affiliates like it that way. After all, if something major does happen, they have to cut straight away to a "real" news channel, and then they don't get as much "face time". So I think easy-breezy morning suits them all just fine. No reason to waste that much hair product if we're just gonna cut to Brit Hume!
So anyway, I just happened to pass by the tv for a second while trying to find the match to my sock pair when they mention for not more than 5 seconds a little story... Just a little, inconsequential story, not even worthy of video footage. "And new this morning Cuban dictator Fidel Castro announces his resignation. And now out to Dan Daru at the local Big Ass Bagels as he covers Prep Sports! How are you Dan?!"
Needless to say, the minute amount of coverage given to this story, whose historical significance cannot be understated, was a little more than disheartening for me. Is it any wonder, I muse, that the rest of the world thinks we are an insulated, self-centered, arrogant bunch?
For Heaven's Sake, that NIGHT (a whole sixteen hours later-- plenty of time for them to get some info on the breaking story of Fidel and his bro, Raul) the lead story was five minutes about some stupid CU freshmen pledges who trashed a motel room in Estes. Five minute fucking story, reporter literally on the ground (and I gotta say, this motel looked like a shithole even BEFORE those drunken brats had their way with it), going on and on, like this is a real, significant story. Like this will matter in even a week, let alone a month or a year. Or a generation. This is a little more like journaljizm than journalism.
So that said, my ire has been stoked by this station already this week. I shouldn't have been surprised then when I pulled forward to get my fucking skinny latte (Only 90 calories! Almost enough to mitigate the embarrasment of ordering one!) from fucking Becky and her satanic bean-induced ecstasy. And then it happened. The little door opened and there, standing in the little Starbucks window was Libby Fucking Weaver (that's her full legal name), the local Fox Affiliate anchorwoman. Smiling ear to ear, just as fucking chipper as Becky. Of course.
I could feel the lasers shooting out of eyes as I remembered just how beat down I looked. Still in my workout clothes that I had sweated completely through SIX hours before. Hair still in the pony. No make-up. Eyes full of popped blood vessels from Ian's seconds-prior ass-chewing. I can truly say that at that moment, I hated Libby Weaver. And everything she stood for.
And then Chip piped up. He reached out for my money, his eyes glazed in glee, head rolling like a deranged bobble-head. "That's Libby Weaver! Oh, my! Do you recoginize her?!" What gave it away, Chip? My arched eyebrow and pointed glare? My lip curled into a sneer? My hardly-disguised look of disgust for you and all your ilk?
He was practically panting with joy and I could see Libby just behind him, surrounded by no fewer than 3 Starbucks-apron-wrapped ladies, all of them swooning and twittering like a little nest of sparrows. Libby just kept popping her head over Chip's shoulder looking at me and randomly crying out, "Hi!" like a demented cheerleader. God, was she happy to be there.
"Sorry!" Chip continued as he handed my my change. "Fox 31 News is here doing a story on all the different jobs at Starbucks and we're just a little crazy in here right now!" he gushed at me. "That's Libby Weaver!" he reminded me.
I couldn't help my next comment. I really couldn't.
"Yeah. Great. Could you ask her to hurry up with my coffee?" I'm sorry. I just wasn't in the fucking mood for it.
"Oh, she's not making the drinks! Don't worry about that!" Chip assured me and then quickly shut the little glass window.
Well, now why wouldn't she be making my coffee, I wondered. I mean, she's there doing this hard-hitting investigative journalism piece on all the challenging and varied aspects of being a barista, after all! Shouldn't she be trying her hand at it, to REALLY get into the minds of her subjects?!! How will she ever be able to accurately portray the harrowing existence of a coffee-brewer-with-a-dental-plan if she doesn't, I wonder!?!
Chip doesn't say much as he hands me my stupid over-priced skinny latte, and I'm pretty sure that's cuz he spiked my drink with 2% after my snide comment and he isn't man enough to follow up a jab with a left hook.
Or maybe he just doesn't want to give me enough time to scream through the window at Libby Fucking Weaver, the anchor of our local news station that, oh I don't know.... FIDEL CASTRO RESIGNED TWO DAYS AGO!!! SERBIA US
Yeah, maybe Chip was worried I'd remind her of those things as she covered the all-important Longmont
Ugh. Maybe all the coffee is just contributing to my obvious anger issues... but I just can't bring myself to switch to chai tea lattes.