Today I opened my local paper to check for any developments on the prairie dogs at the airport crisis (it's big news around here what with all the varmint loving hippies stinking up the joint.) Basically another swarm of prairie dogs has infiltrated our municipal airport and there is a big to-do over how to deal with the damage to the runways and obvious safety concerns for humans while still making sure that we continue to provide free health care, manicures and tax breaks to the plague-carrying rodents responsible for the damage. Whilst perusing the letters to the editor in hopes of finding a cheap laugh at the expense of a fanatic, feral rodent lover, I came across a letter that I feel needs a response.
The letter goes as follows:
Next time, I will call the police, report you
I just returned from the store where I witnessed two young children who had been left in their car alone for several minutes. To the mother who did this- and yes, I saw you- you need to realize that your children are the most priceless things you have, and leaving them alone in a parking lot is not only irresponsible, it's a crime.
Let notice be hereby served that if I see any other children left alone in a car at any time, your license plate number will be noted, the police will be notified immediately and I will do everything in my power to ensure you never put your children in that risk again. I almost lost a child several years ago by turning my back for merely a couple of seconds, and I will not stand by while irresponsible parents continue to operate under the false assumption that nothing bad could possibly happen.
Well, thank you very much, Mr. High-n-Mighty-Nanny-Stater! What size brown-shirt do you wear? I'll be sure to order a spare for you, to ensure that you always have appropriate clothing when you are reporting your neighbors to the authorities.
Let me get this straight, someone appointed YOU, Kevin King, to be the kiddie patrol? You self-righteous prick! Where do you get off making threats against parents? Is it possible that the kids you observed were in a LOCKED car? It is possible for modern cars to be left running WHILE locked? Is it possibly that you just don't have enough to worry about in your own fucking life that you need to meddle in other people's business? In this economy? WOW!!
This sort of nanny-state bullshit just sticks in my craw. It's not that I think kids should be left in cars, I understand the consequences. But a little common sense, please. This asshat admits that they were left for a few minutes, which is not a very long time. So can I assume that running into 7-11 is unacceptable? And what, Mr. Sanctimonious Ass, is your definition of "young children"? Are we talking toddlers here? Five-year-olds? Is my eight-year-old ok to leave in the car? Howabout when he's twelve? Is that ok? Can I take him out of his backward facing booster seat at that point?
I'm just so sick to death of overzealous middling bureaucrats "protecting" us all from everything, making rules about every last minute detail of life and then recruiting cock-sucking, namby-pamby, holier-than-thou goody-two-shoes to enforce from the trenches! Seriously, assholes like this may not realize it, but they perpetuate living in a fucking police state.
Boy, sure sorry about your near-miss with your kid (who must be a real go-getter! Bet the terms "grade-grubber" and "brown-noser" are pretty familiar to him!). That you just turned away for "merely for a second" and almost had an accident! Can you imagine?! Can I take from that that I will be reported for not keenly staring at all of my children all of the time? That's a difficult task being that I have three kids and only two eyes. I suppose I could tether them to one another. And then just for safe-keeping tie them to myself. Would that be ok for you? Would I be parenting well then?
It is arrogant fucktards like this, doing what they perceive as the "right thing" that cause more harm than help. A friend of a friend got reported for this very thing. They are a good family. They take good care of their kids. They feed them, clothe them, resist the almighty urge to beat the shit out of them when they act like spoiled little orangutans (which is like, all the time). And now, because some Nosy Nelly Parenting Nazi called them in, they get to endure surprise home inspections by CPS for the next 18 months. More tax dollars wasted on a something-MIGHT-have-happened-even-though-it-didn't crime. Sweeeeet.
Go ahead, turn this lady in for the good of her kids. Just don't expect a hug and hand-written thank you from the youngsters afterward, Sir Smug! The only person you are going to help, douchenozzle, is yourself. You'll feel all happy with your "good deed" but I bet even your friends find you obnoxious and repugnant. They certainly know not to steal post-its from the supply closet while you are around.
I swear, it is these quiet little signs that slip away, unnoticed by the public at large, until one day you wake up and you're living in the Soviet Fucking Union, tattling on your neighbor for crimethink and ungood deeds.
You know what I don't like? Fat kids. I think I'll start reporting them. Hey, they are a burden to the "system" AND their parents are clearly abusing them with food. It is for their own good! I'll begin carrying a scale to make sure they fit my definition of what is fat or not. I'm leaning toward nothing higher than a 22 BMI. Oh crap! I'll have to report myself-- Deuce just got weighed in on the Wii fit and it says he is "obese" and he has the Wii age of 25-- and really, really needs to work out because he's checking in at 20 years older than his actual age! Shame, shame! Well, better to nip bad eating habits in the bud early. I'll rat myself out on that in the morning.
And how, exactly, does HE know if that mom thinks her kids are the most priceless thing she has? Maybe she has two holy terrors who hector her all through the day. Maybe she HOPES some clueless sap will get his just desserts by stealing them. Or, perhaps she is in possession of a Rembrandt or the Hope Diamond. Because then, really, what is "priceless"? (That's sarcasm for you fucking overly sensitive milksops out there.)
PS- I don't know if this asshole is referring to me or not. He very well could be. I have, on occasion, left my children in a locked, air-conditioned car (GASP!). I do know that if I ever get the pleasure of meeting Kevin King, I'll give a swift and ruthless fucking beatdown, for his insufferable arrogance.
PPS- His types aren't going to talk me out of owning guns, either. He'll try to convince us it is all for our own good, for society's good, for the children's good (whine). Instead, they'll start another civil war. And once again, I'll hand Kevin King another ass-whupping then, too.