Hot Tub Etiquette: Boulder Style

So I recently joined a swanky new athletic club in that world-renowned bastion of wealthy, ultra-liberal, trustafarian mecca, Boulder, CO. I know. I can't stand the place, either. But I needed a change for my workouts. Something a little more demanding than my local Y had been providing so I made the plunge into an athletic club that is populated by a group of people who evidently work out all day, every day.

Plus, it has an outdoor pool, which was the real selling point for facing a summer with three rambunctious mini-men.

You would not believe how toned, taut and lean these people are! All of them. Even the septuagenarians (who kick my ass in spin class AND yoga). It's ridiculous. Every time I go to the pool I am surrounded by women my age, chasing toddlers, with stomachs that I swear are only made in Hollywood FX editing rooms. Of course I'm the only mom in a full piece. I keep telling myself that surrounding myself with them will only serve as inspriation once fall hits and I start getting serious about my workouts again. That is, if I want to continue working out with these people, who may or may not (as evidence below will show) be complete and utter pigs.

Anyhoo, yesterday Deuce, Trey, and my step-daughter, Ruby,  who moved in with us last fall went for an afternoon of swimming. (Ace is off at summer camp in the mountains, and truth be told, I miss the hell out of him.) 

I was glad Ruby went with us because she's old enough to understand how funny this sign is that I've been meaning to shoot a pic of it for a couple months now. It makes me giggle and shake my head every time I see it.

Really?!?! "Shaving and personal hygiene is prohibited"?!?!? I THINK that means that they'd rather you didn't shave or wash in the hot tub, but this is Boulder, CO ... so it did cross my mind that they are saying don't shave AT ALL. Ever. But I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. Which leads us to... 

Why the hell does this need to be posted?!?

What sort of disgusting pig-people were doing this activity to begin with to necessitate it being printed on this sign?! And how many stinky, hairy, hippy athletes were engaging in this activity to deem it important enough to be the second thing listed-- above the health warnings to preggos?!?! 

I immediately conjured up images of distance swimmers standing in the hot tub, shaving any extra body hair that might be causing them drag. Men in Speedos with their legs propped up on the edge, women in swim caps, yanking aside their suits and spreading their knees to catch any stray pubes that might be poking out. This pool does attract serious swimmers, after all. Triathletes and what not. 

Here's the kicker. As we gathered our belongings to leave Ruby leaned over to me and whispered, "Oh my god! That woman is BREAST-FEEDING IN THE HOT TUB!!!"

Sure enough. There sat a super-taut Boulder mommy with her baby, tit out, in the hot tub full of kids blithely enjoying her soak like there's nothing weird at all going on. Sadly, we weren't fast enough with our cell phones to get a pic of it. Dang!! 

So all you out there remember your etiquette when you visit Boulder-- milking yourself in the hot tub: okay. Shaving your hairy ass in it: not okay. Got it?

Comments

[TOM]

HAHAHAHAHA! AAAAHAHAHAHAHA! I wish I could count how many times my eyes (unable to disguise the jolt of surprise) unwittingly met the eyes of a mom with her breast out and a kid attached to it in Boulder! Its so common that I have often thought I should mimick the procedure in protest! TOM

[Angelica]

Hilarious!