NothingSacred

Mmmm! Salty...

 

For when you're in the mood, but he's not....

I love that it is "spicy"~ I'll say!

And it has both natural and artificial flavors. I'm not sure which one of those is scarier in this case. 

(Big thanks to DB for this little gem!)

23 Adult Truths

I stole this from a friend's facebook page, but felt it should be shared widely. I realize my only readers on here are already my fb friends so I could've shared it that way, but I do not understand how the people at fb decide to show you some people's stuff and completely ignore other friends. Frankly, I don't know which ones of you are unlucky enough to not be getting my feed... I know you wouldn't intentionally ignore me, right?! 

Anyway, this made me giggle and also made me feel somehow less lonely in the world. Especially #s 3, 4 & 8. 

I encourage you to add your truths to this list by leaving comments. 

Now I'm off to tackle this filthy studio. The line must be drawn sometwhere and I have reached the breaking point on workspace detritus.

 

 

1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
...
... 3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font. ... ...

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection ...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.

7. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey -but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

I've never considered myself a feminist...

But my bras are in serious danger of a scorching after this.

 

Below, find my first foray into video blogging, er, vlogging. Enjoy!

 

 

OH MY GAWWWD! 

I could go on and on about all the special treats this Times-Call letter gifted me, but sadly, if I can gnaw this chain off and get away from the stove I have to get Trey to Pre-K. 

 

Oh, and could this make me feel any worse as a mom? I'm half-drowning trying to keep up with what I'm supposed to do as it is, and now this? A super mom who not only bakes and gardens and all that, but actually means GRINDING FUCKING WHEAT BERRIES when she says "make it from scratch"!??! Holy hell! I need to give up the race. I'm never, ever, ever going to be able to keep up with these alpha moms. 

My niece and nephew adored the sock puppets we sent.

A Very Little Naughty Badger Snack

Blame Game of Thrones... it has turned this little guy my most bizarre celebrity crush ever. 

I don't know if it's him or the character he plays or my recent inability to STOP reading George R.R. Martin's incredible Game of Thrones book series (I'm dragging my feet on this last one, knowing that it could be years to wait for the 6th of 7 books to be published-- but screamed through the first 4,000+ pages of the other books in just over a month). At any rate. This is my new cougar snack. Lite.

So anyway, what with my new found midgie mania, I couldn't help but click on this link when I saw it (plus, it involved Gordon Ramsey, who quite clearly is a potty-mouthed soul brother of mine). (thanks, MickG!).

Go on. I'll wait.

Come back when you're done so we can ask some pertinent questions.

 

Like...

 

WTF?!?!?! Dwarf Porn Actor Found Dead in a BADGER'S DEN?!?!

At first I thought "badger's den" must be a hipster euphemism that I'm just too old to get. And then I read the story and it turns out-- he was found in an actual fucking badger's den!! WHAT?!?

And they aren't ruling out suicide? Really? It's possible that of all the places this PORN STAR would choose to off himself would be in a badger's den?!? How would you even do it there?!  Or did he wait for the badger to come home, find him and offer himself up to be eaten by  the nasty mean little thing? Suicide by badger?! That's a new one.

Let's say it wasn't a suicide. Give the guy the benefit of the doubt. As sad as one must be to not only be a porn star, but one that looks like Gordon Ramsey (!), let's say that he wasn't so depressed as to off himself with an angry, overstuffed weasel and was looking forward to, at the very least, his next fluffing session. That means that this thing went out and got him! AAAGGGHHH!!! Scary, man-eating badgers on the loose!

Hide yo children! Hide yo wife! Hide yo husbands! (Especially if they're small.)

As if dwarves didn't have ENOUGH shit to deal with -- now they gotta worry about badgers, too?!? 

Essential Items

 

Picnicking just got a whole lot sexier.

 

(Thanks R!)