We got a little snow last night.... it was 80 degrees two days ago.
I was actually sort of bummed the kids didn't get a snow day out of this. I have no idea why the school district decided to keep school going. I have over 10 inches on the ground and it is still snowing.
I had visions of snowball fights and sledding and soup and hot chocolate and grilled cheese sandwiches and no homework and afternoon naps. And everyone getting along lovingly all the day long. Yeah, I was envisioning someone else's family.
But still, would've liked it. Especially since TOM & I made a bad assumption that we would get a snow day and thus get to sleep in, so we made celebration shots at the basement bar last night, got each other drunk and grappled over who was taking more advantage of who. Or is that whom? I can never keep those straight. Anyway, I digress.
So, loaded, we faced a night of muliple power outtages, which in our "smart" home means everything security-related begins beeping and squawking whenever the power goes out to alert us that the power is out and they are not working. Not helpful at 2 am. Or 3 am. Or 5:15.
Additionally, I've been really trying my best lately to be a super-mom (which seems to come at the expense of being an okay-artist, but more on that later)... so I had actually set up an overnight slow cooker breakfast to treat my kids with this morning. Crock pots run on electricity. D'OH! SuperMom foiled again!
Wondering if I just cook it all day I can get away with calling it breakfast-dinner...
I recently returned from a quick trip to Texas to visit a couple of my favorite girls. And getting away really gave me time to think. To take stock in what I'm doing, where I'm heading, what I want. And, blessedly, time to miss my family a little bit. I surprised myself by realizing that while I'm feeling particularly artistically fertile in the idea arena, I really want to focus on being a good mom right now...
Which makes me feel guilty for not wanting to more actively build a career... which makes me feel like a total fucking failure for not being able to do both things at once. At least not both things well. I can do both, but then both suck and I fail. When did I turn into a man? I turn 35 and suddenly I can only focus on one thing at a time?! WTF?!?!
But then I keep thinking that this time is so short. Trey is going to be in full-time kindergarten next year. And then I'll have more time to focus on art stuff right? [Probably not. Not after finding out how much time it takes to actually focus on my family and my wifely/motherly duties. I made pasta sauce from scratch yesterday (from glorious hand-canned tomatoes my Godmother in FL sent to me!!). I pureed in all sorts of veggies so that my kids would be fooled into eating them. It took me the better part of the day just to hide all that goodness in there. They loved it. Suckers!]
Anyway, I am so worried about not building up my brand and producing and staying out in front of any sort of encouragement and excitement I've gotten so far on my jewelry that I keep pushing myself to do more and agree to more and try to make it bigger and bigger and not lose any momentum. I guess out of fear that if I don't keep moving forward and focus on art, and instead focus on mommy-ing really well for a while, I'll be lame and out-of-style by the time I get back to it. Like I've got an expiration date on any scrap of talent I may (or may not) have.
All I know is that I'm over-extended now. I need more of me. I need cloning capabilities to come on line and enter the market (at a very reasonable, recession-friendly price).
Adding to that... my recent obsession with Pinterest.com is not helping.... I can't stop pinning!
Ok, obviously I'm neither improving my home-making right now NOR banging out jewelry for an upcoming show for which I have, literally, NOTHING made. I think I'm getting ulcers. And high blood pressure.
Adding to my anxiety? Posting this unfunny, whiny crap. My apologies. I promise to post something HI-larious from Edna later.
You know, I find it hard to believe you could ever do anything less than excellent. Having said that, you do have other little hands to help out. Think how fun it would be to have the boys helping with the cooking...err...wait...nevermind.
Posted by: mArNiAc | October 26, 2011 at 08:33 PM