First off, let me just say that I am no Halloween Grinch. TOM goes all out every year spooking out our house. So much so that I hear kids debate whether they have the cajones to ring our doorbell. We put on spooky sounds, a Leatherface stand up, spiderweb the shit out of everything, do special lighting effects on pop-up scares... the whole nine. Ok? We are into it. TOM gets all Sparky Griswold on us after the Ides of October. That said...
I need to take a moment to address what I see as a growing problem in my area. Yes, it is petty. I understand that (which TOM likes to remind me of every year when I bitch the same thing as the last... whatever honey... it's the principle, goddammit!). It still does not salve the growing, festering anger I feel over it.
Ok, now bear with me. Each year I find that more and more of a certain type of mom whilst accompanying her youngsters door to door for that yearly ritual of scoring sugar from strangers on All Hallow's Eve are feeling the need to partake in the fun. And what I mean by that is that I continue to get ladies, totally UNcostumed (obviously there as chaperones) who after I fill up their kids' bags blithely open up a grocery sack at me and expect a treat of their own! I shit you not. When the hell did this start?!?
And I hate to generalize... but this phenomenon seems to be confined to a segment of our population that... er... uh... (what's the polite way to put this?)... wasn't born in America. And I live in the Rockies states, so you can put two and two together to get the basic demographic about which I write.
They usually roll up in a van, stuffed full of kids and moms. Which by itself wouldn't mean much. My best friend/sister and our best friend/moms would drive around to trick or treat... mostly because our moms couldn't be bothered to walk and preferred to slowly drive behind us in their 80's Lincoln, smoking cigarettes. But see there?? Our moms didn't approach the door with us. And if they HAD, they sure as shit wouldn't have thrust a grocery sack at the homeowner kind enough NOT to poison their kids with apples. (And hey, thanks all you 80's Longmonters for just skipping a bullshit treat like apples altogether and only going for the good stuff. Except you, Mrs. Wright. You can shove those raisins right up your ass!)
But NOW... not only do we get moms at the door demanding sugary treats, they don't even bother to get dressed up!! Without an ounce embarrassment they sidle up in sweatpants and windbreakers and think I'm going to give them candy. Maybe, just maybe if they had the decency to throw together even a half-ass costume I'd feel differently about the gall these chicas have.
Shit, I'm home alone waiting on trick-or-treaters and I'M DRESSED UP (as a very fancy, not-at-all-scary cowgirl, I might add). And so far I've had three groups: two neighbors and one van-load of candy whores.
At our old house we used to get hundreds of trick-or-treaters and I saw this occurance continually increase, year after year. Now TOM and I have moved out to the edge of town in an "estate" neighborhood and we, literally, get like 8 trick or treaters a year. And sure as shit, I just got a mom hit me up for some candy. I can't believe it.
So here's my thought. Because there is some obvious breakdown in the communication of this cultural ritual for immigrants, I feel the only right thing to do is on the next Dia de Los Muertos (which gets a fair amount of press in my neck of the woods) I'm gonna go start knocking on THEIR doors and demanding a shot of tequila. Fuck it. It's only fair.
If this isn't practical... than perhaps I go with my good friend, M's, suggestion: I keep a load of recyclables at the door and when they open their bags at me I fill 'em up and thank them for "keeping the planet green"!
Yay! Gotta go!! The doorbell just rang-- someone braved it through our haunted courtyard! I'm grabbing the bowl of candy... and a few recyclables just in case...